I’ve never been good at doing things on my own. Until I became a mom, I never truly appreciated solidarity. I never appreciated the silence that comes with even 45 minutes of alone time.
For valentines day, Dominic bought me a mani/pedi and I kinda forgot about it, until a few days after my dad’s surgery when I said to myself in the midst of all the chaos: man, I could really use a pedicure right about now. And then that lightbulb went off and the next morning I made my appointment.
I have seriously never looked forward to a mani/pedi more than the one I scheduled for Tuesday. All week I patiently waited for the tenth. I made a little plan as to how I would spend my morning (gym, Starbucks, nail salon), and Monday night I set my alarm for 730am. Very early and not at all believable, if you knew me at all, but I was feeling ambitious. I need this, I reminded myself. Apparently I needed my sleep more because I, in fact, slept right through my alarm and even slept past the window to be able to do the first things on my list. I had two choices: beat myself up for not making it to the gym (again.) and ruin my own morning, OR, I continue on with my morning and remind myself that as long as I’m getting that me time, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing.
I’m glad I went with the second choice because I had a lovely morning/early afternoon.
I went to my nail appointment, and it was so relaxing. I went totally Katie and got my toes painted red, but for my fingers, I decided to do something different (still feeling ambitious, clearly.) I’ve always been more of a dark colored kind of girl, dark reds and purples and greys. This time I went with the lightest shade of pink that was almost white and guess what?! I didn’t die! I actually really like it! The salon was really cute, too. I kinda wish I would’ve taken more pictures. Maybe next time.
Once my nails were completely dry, I contemplated just going home. It was already noon and I missed my babies. Instead, I took myself to get that coffee. Or, tea, rather. A chai tea latte. And instead of going through the drive through I went inside, and sat down! By myself! I don’t even know who I am anymore. But let me tell you, it was great. I read a little, I wrote a little. I realized right then that I was learning to appreciate my own company, and honestly, it kinda felt a bit liberating. Like, I can do things by myself and like it.
And more than just liking it, I really needed it. Both physically (my toes were awful), and emotionally. I’ve never been good at detecting when I need a timeout, and after having Olivia, my lack of detection was definitely even less intact. It’s something that I’m really trying to work on though. Having a healthy relationship with myself is just as important as all of the other relationships that I’m trying to juggle in my life and it only took me 23 years to realize it. It only took me 23 years to realize that I like to be alone sometimes, that it’s perfectly okay to take yourself out for a cup of coffee, and enjoy it. It doesn’t make me a bad mom/wife/daughter/friend, it just means that I detect that I need a little timeout to actually be a good mom/wife/daughter/friend.
If you are kinda like me and don’t really like to do things alone, I highly suggest fitting some “me time” into your schedule, and learn to enjoy your own company. Not only is it liberating, but it’s also relaxing. In fact, I can’t wait to take myself on a little date again in the future ;)